Building My Village

“I’m starting to think you don’t really want a ‘village,’ ” is what my husband said to me with a hint of playful concern in his voice when I attempted to decline an invitation to a friend's birthday party. At that moment, I had no idea that the gathering was not just a simple celebration of another year in my friend's life; it was actually intended to be a surprise baby shower, a joyful occasion meant to honor the upcoming arrival of the newest member of our family. How sweet and thoughtful of our friends to organize such a heartfelt event! Yet, there I was, contemplating canceling my attendance to stay home, wrapped up in my own thoughts and the comfort of my familiar surroundings.

As the day unfolded and I arrived at the venue, I was greeted by the warm smiles and excited chatter of friends and family who had gathered to share in this momentous occasion. The atmosphere was filled with love and anticipation, creating an environment that was both uplifting and joyous. It turned out to be such a beautifully orchestrated ceremony, complete with delightful decorations, delicious food, and conversations that brought laughter echoing throughout the room. We were surrounded by the people who matter most in our lives, all coming together to celebrate yet another milestone in our journey.

As I looked around, I was reminded of my bridal shower and wedding, which were equally as amazing and filled with love. Those moments, much like this one, were marked by laughter, joy, and the deep connections that bind us to one another. Being part of such celebrations is not just about the events themselves; it's about the relationships we nurture and the memories we create together. Each gathering adds another layer to our collective story, weaving a tapestry of shared experiences that we can look back on fondly.

The feeling of being loved and celebrated is truly an amazing experience, one that resonates deeply within the heart. It serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of community and the support system we build around ourselves. Our Village.

In moments like these, I realized that rejecting the idea of a ‘village’ would mean missing out on the very essence of what makes life rich and fulfilling. The concept of a village symbolizes community, support, and the inter-connectedness of relationships that contribute to our overall well-being. It is within this village that we find companionship, love, and a sense of belonging, all of which are crucial for our emotional and psychological health. However, as life unfolds, it is an inevitable truth that we lose some members of our village, whether through natural life transitions, personal growth, or the simple passage of time. I know I have experienced this firsthand.

With my healing and self-discovery journey came a lot of changes to my life, often leading to profound transformations that reshaped my understanding of relationships and their significance. This journey was not merely about finding peace within myself; it also involved making difficult decisions that altered the landscape of my social circle. This included ending friendships that no longer served my growth, outgrowing others as we drifted apart in our life paths, and even going no contact with individuals who had once been close to me. The act of isolating was not taken lightly; it was a necessary step toward self-preservation and emotional clarity. You get the idea—this process was multifaceted and deeply personal.

It was one of the bravest things I have ever done because we are taught from a young age not to burn bridges since we might need those people later. Society often emphasizes the importance of maintaining connections, regardless of their toxicity, under the notion that relationships can be mended or that we might find ourselves in need of those individuals in the future. Yet, I came to understand that sometimes, the most courageous act of love is to let go, to release those who continuously bring pain or humiliation into our lives. It was a painful realization, but one that ultimately led to my liberation.

I pray every day that I never have to be in the position of depending on anyone who is no longer in my life because they repeatedly and intentionally hurt or humiliated me. This prayer is not just a wish; it is a declaration of my commitment to self-respect and self-worth. I seek divine guidance to bless me with abundance—emotional, spiritual, and material—so that I never find myself in a position where I have to rely on those who have caused me harm. I aspire to cultivate relationships that uplift and empower me, rather than those that diminish my spirit.

In this journey of self-discovery, I have learned that the quality of our relationships is far more significant than the quantity. The village that I am building now is one that nurtures my growth, encourages my dreams, and stands by me in my struggles, as I with them. As I continue to navigate through life, I remain grateful for the lessons learned from those who are no longer part of my journey, for they have shaped me into the resilient person I am today. Moving forward, I embrace the idea of building a new village, one that aligns with my values and supports my vision for a fulfilling life. How do I do this you ask? Here is the plan.

How to be a good villager;

Here is how I will build a genuine support system and be a good support system for others as well;

• I will start by identifying the key individuals in my life who are important to me and who I believe would contribute positively to a supportive network. This includes friends, family members, colleagues, and even acquaintances who have shown kindness and understanding in the past. I will reach out to them, expressing my desire to create a mutual support system where we can all lean on each other during challenging times.

• To strengthen these relationships, I will prioritize open and honest communication. This means actively listening to others when they share their thoughts and feelings, showing empathy, and validating their experiences. I will also share my own struggles and successes, fostering an environment where vulnerability is welcomed and encouraged. By being transparent about my own challenges, I can help others feel comfortable doing the same, which is essential for building trust and deepening our connections.

• In addition to emotional support, I will seek to offer practical assistance whenever possible. This might involve helping a friend with a project, providing resources or information that could be beneficial, or simply being there to lend a hand when someone is overwhelmed. I will make it a point to check in regularly with my support network, whether through phone calls, text messages, or in-person visits, to ensure that everyone feels valued and connected.

• Furthermore, I will actively promote a culture of positivity and encouragement within my support system. Celebrating each other’s achievements, no matter how small, can significantly boost morale and reinforce the bonds we share. I will make an effort to acknowledge and appreciate the strengths and efforts of those around me, helping to cultivate an atmosphere of mutual respect and admiration.

• To enhance the effectiveness of our support system, I will also encourage the establishment of group activities or gatherings that allow us to bond in a relaxed and enjoyable setting. Whether it’s organizing a regular coffee meet-up, a book club, or a group exercise class, these shared experiences can help us connect on a deeper level and create lasting memories together.

In conclusion, building a genuine support system requires dedication, empathy, and consistent effort. By nurturing relationships, fostering open communication, providing practical help, promoting positivity, and engaging in shared activities, I aim to create a robust network where not only will I receive support, but I will also be able to uplift and support others in their times of need. This reciprocal relationship is essential for fostering a community where everyone feels valued, understood, and empowered. Wish me luck!